IS YOUR MIND CONTROLLING YOUR LIFE?

“Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds!”

-Bob Marley

Our mind is one of the most sacred things gifted to us by god. It keeps us alive, thinks, gives us logic as well as keeps us cautious. However, if left unchecked, it can pulverize a person more quickly than anything else. It has a tendency to control and we are so habitual of it that most of the times we do not comprehend the myriad of times it pushes our inner wisdom and peaceful, loving sense aside.

There is no course or book that can alter the mind’s nature because the problem is not our mind, it is the way we use it. We may feel anxious, fearful, depressed or resentful when we give our mind all the authority and follow all the instructions and logic against our inner wisdom.

Whenever we ignore our natural inclination, we can know that the mind is controlling us. For instance, you feel like calling your dear friend whom you have not spoken for a long time and the mind immediately says it’s so silly to do that, probably he/she does not even remember me. And you never call and lose touch with your friend. However, if you would have not ignored that little voice in you and called your friend, it would have made you both truly happy.

Do you have trouble in saying “NO”?

For me, saying no is not easy and I didn’t even see it as a serious problem until it took away all my peace and I was only pleasing others. My life became messy and it took me a long time to recover, however, I’m still trying to learn to say NO when my heart does not feel good in doing something. It is a total mind game, and it wants to be liked and appreciated always. Our mind fails to realize that saying “no” is not a big deal. It is our right to do things that makes us genuinely happy, and this would benefit everyone around us.

We often fall in the trap of repetitive negative thoughts and keep on worrying about them. Once we learn to ignore the unpleasant thoughts, they will be replaced by pleasant ones shortly. The best way to ignore them is to be aware of them.

Our mind starts controlling our lives when we start controlling other people. Be it small or big matters, controlling someone else in the long run will annoy us and is disrespectful as well. Controlling anything ceases the flow of life and we can miss out on so many beautiful things.

We often recognize that we are being very negative and we are constantly inundated with thoughts like we should be positive and grateful.  But, they are mostly of no help as our mind starts being critical of the situation or person and we fail to remain positive all the time.

So, is there any way that can help us remain happy and let our mind not play those games? My answer to this is acceptance! Accepting who you are, how you are is definitely one of the most loving as well as genuinely positive things that one needs to practice. This is applicable when we are being controlled by our mind as well. It is the nature of mind to seek control and we should not judge it as good or bad. Just let it be and accept it. Sometimes, we will succumb and other times we will succeed. We need to accept whatever is going on in our mind soon we will be out of our mind’s control.

ACCEPT UNCERTAINTY AND WELCOME LIFE WITH OPEN ARMS!

“THE QUEST FOR CERTAINTY BLOCKS THE SEARCH FOR MEANING. UNCERTAINTY IS THE VERY CONDITION TO IMPEL MAN TO UNFOLD ITS POWER.” – ERICH FROMM

Life is full of uncertainties and most of the times it would bring up what we never plan for. It happened with me as well. I have recently started feeling as though I am standing at the crossroads in my life and have been feeling quite restless and uncomfortable.

I love my work, working with clients, helping them and it makes me very happy. At the same time, I’m also a mother to a three year old child and although it is the most wonderful thing that can happen to a woman, it has its own challenges and demands. As a result, I spend more time at home with her and work less.

If you would have asked me a few years back, I was certain that I will never be a stay-at –home-mum. But, today, the situation demands something else from me, being an army officer’s wife everything is so uncertain and I do not know what will be my next step and what will I do. There is so much uncertainty and turbulence in my life at this moment and it's not easy to decide between the major choices of my life, i.e., whether I should choose my work or be with my child or start my dental practice and so on and so forth.

My response to this was to obsess endlessly till I find an answer. However, I realized that all my efforts to understand and know the situation actually blocked me from the truth rather than revealing it to me. The uncertainty makes a person feel vulnerable and as a result, we try to escape from the situation in any possible way. I was also not immune to it!

The most common mistake

We try to see the future and become fortune tellers, making ourselves crazy. Our minds spin through the same scenarios that we can imagine and keep on doing it over and over again and fail to come to any resolution.

However, one needs to understand that are our future is greatly determined by our actions that we take in the most uncertain situations. We succeed when we embrace the uncertainty. Without these uncertain times, we might never push ourselves beyond our comfort zones.

A lot of people have experienced staying in unhealthy relationships or in an unsatisfying job because the uncertainty of leaving the situation created a lot of anxiety and stress and we remain stuck in unhappy situations. There is no assurance of success when we move into the unknown territory. Many people never chase their true passions, as it seems impractical or there is a lot of fear associated with that step. However, we fail to realize that it is in these moments of uncertainty and discomfort that we encounter life’s most important and amazing adventures.

What needs to be done?

Accepting uncertainty and making peace with it needs courage, trust and faith. We need to believe that no matter what happens, we will be taken care of, we will find a way through and it’s okay not to have answers to all the questions.

Once we stop controlling, accept the situation and release all the resistance, it makes our lives happy and free. We can consider the possibility of a power constantly at work that is greater than us and it is absolutely okay to leave the reigns. There are many circumstances that are far beyond our control and they are impacting our lives by deciding our future. Fixing the problems sometimes makes us blind to the possibilities.

We cannot embrace our uncertain future if we keep on thinking how it should be. A constant noise in the head drowns out our intuition and our heart’s voice. Once we accept the uncertainty and let go the resistance, the noise in the mind subsides and we get in contact with our intuition.

For me, meditation is an incredible way to facilitate this contact. Sitting quietly and being aware of my mind has helped me to find some peace and stability as well as listen to my heart. I try to be aware of my thoughts and those fearful talks that take place in my mind. Practicing awareness has quieted my head to a great extent and I’m more open to the new possibilities and welcome whatever life has to offer.

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!

START BRINGING GRATITUDE IN EVERY MOMENT INSTEAD OF WAITING FOR SOMETHING TO HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE TO FEEL GRATEFUL

Our everyday problems and challenges of life force us to keep dwelling upon what is wrong in our life. One of the easiest and fastest way to feel happy and stay in high spirits is to express gratitude. Gratitude means thankfulness, noticing simple pleasures, counting our blessings as well as acknowledging whatever we have. Expressing gratitude is a very effective way to interrupt depression, anxiety and anger. It immediately shifts our attention from unproductive and unwanted thoughts to constructive thinking patterns. It shifts our focus from the deprivation towards abundance. Being grateful for what we have uplifts our mood and changes or perspective towards our problems as well as life. Additionally, conveying gratitude and thanks, makes a person happier as well as help in strengthening relationships, improves health, and reduces stress.

Appreciate Simple Gifts

We usually take it for granted that all the good things that we already have in our lives was supposed to be with us by default.  Hence, our focus is always on what we do not have and forget about all the wonderful blessings that god has bestowed on us. Once, we start being grateful for what we already have, we somehow begin to appreciate the simple pleasures and things that we previously took for granted. Gratitude teaches us to constantly find goodness even in the adverse situations.  Practicing simple ways of expressing gratitude creates more happiness in our lives.

For instance, remember to say thank you when someone performs a simple gesture like opening a door. When we find more opportunities to be grateful for, we feel better about life at the end of the day. The effect of gratitude is contagious and when we show it to others, it will mirror back to us instantly. Try and see it yourself!

Every day, try to find a reason to thank the most significant people in our lives, our family. The more thankful and grateful we are for our family, the more they would reflect it back to us. Gratitude can create a state of happiness explosion that fills every room of the house. We should remember to always thank children for doing their chores. This recognizes their small and precious efforts and in turn models polite behavior. It also makes them more confident and they would appreciate us more.

How do we start?

We should try to start a new day by expressing gratitude and saying “thank you” for minimum three things that we have. It could be as simple as a great cup of tea or good health, job, parents, friends, house, car, this life. It could be anything which makes a person feels happy and grateful. Take a moment and feel the appreciation while being thankful. Establishing an attitude of gratitude once we begin our day makes our day full of happiness and joy.

When the situation is not favorable, flip the coin and find three things in that situation for which one should be honestly grateful. This could be being grateful for a doctor at times of ill health or having some savings when one is jobless. This may not be very easy, but finding the good in every situation keeps us motivated to move on. After all, circumstances could have been much worse.

When one finds himself or herself in negative self-talk, one must stop and find at least three things for which they should be thankful. Interrupting the destructive self-talk and being grateful for whatever we have, builds up self- confidence.

The most common method practiced to develop an attitude of gratitude is to maintain a gratitude journal. We must write down at least three things for which we are grateful for in life. It could be done as the first thing in the morning or the last thing when one goes off to sleep or whenever comfortable.

So, start bringing gratitude in this moment instead of waiting for something to happen in the future to feel grateful. This will help us to become a master of gratitude. I'm so grateful to my mind, body and my computer that I could write this article! What are you grateful for??